Why Porn Tubesites Suck

I digress from offering you as much free porn as humanly possible, so that I may rant for a minute.

So, tubesites. Yeah, they’re pretty awesome. You get porn for free. Whoop-dee-fucking-do. I think there’s something tricky to consider. Whenever you’re being offered something for free, there’s always a catch. Let’s look at some of these catches and see how porn-seekers are actually shooting themselves in the foot by kneeling down before the tubes.

The first thing, let’s look at tubesite layouts. They have a shit-ton of porn, that’s sort of awesome, sort of makes us think we’ve found the best thing ever, a ton of free bang-bang vids. But guess what, it’s sort of hard to navigate to the things you’re actually looking for. There’s almost too much free porn. Now, if they were smart, they’d niche out all the content, and make tube sites devoted to one or two themes of porn. But, unless I’m missing something, I haven’t found a site like that. Furthermore, they try to create some sort of niche-out by offering categories, but if you look closely, you’ll see that the same fucking movies appear on the first pages of like ten different categories. Awesome. Every fucking movies is tagged the same, which basically makes tagging vague at best, and pretty much worthless. If tubesite owners actually cared about providing a service to users, as opposed to just being interested in generating traffic blackholes (thanks James for that phrase), they’d probably take the time to organize the sites with a little more sincerity, rather than just putting up categories and tags so they can get SEO out of them. You feel me?

My second gripe ties into the first one, and also segues into my third -man, I’m on fire. So, yeah, you fucking browse around for a long time, and you’re all excited at first cause you’re getting free porn, and then after awhile, you start to notice that there’s just a ton of the same content on every page. But, you click on a video anyway, and what do you get? You get some two minute bullshit clip. A lot of tube sites are actually starting to remove the clips that actually climax, and replace them with teaser clips (which means they’re sot of like new-wave movie galleries). So, you’re not really even getting satisfaction from the product. The clips are short as fuck, with no climax -sounds like you’re wife’s sex life -oh oh ohhhh, I’m on firex2. Even look at YouTube.com. It’s great right? Meh, sometimes. I tend to think that the idea of the site is awesome. Obviously it created a paradigm shift in terms of distribution and viewing, but when you go to the site, there’s so much fucking bullshit on it, that what winds up happening is you don’t browse through everything, but instead go straight for what you’re hoping they have. Well, why not just join a membership site. It’s going straight for what you want, isn’t it? TubeSites are so diluted. There’s too much crappy shit for the small amounts of gold. The model is awesome, but the actuality isn’t that awesome. It’s time to niche out suckas!

I also think that a lot of the content, aside from being short, actually sucks. Look peoples, nobody’s giving away their best shit for free, it’s not happening. At best, you get some old shit that they don’t care whether or not it’s peddled all over the place like a toothless whore’s butt’le cavity. So, where’s the real good shit? It’s in the member’s site! Guess what else you get in the member site? You get easier navigation, you get fresh content, you get full-length films.

I’m not a moron, I understand that tubesites are awesome traffic generators, but they’re also cutting into production budgets. Granted, a lot of tubesites are now legal, and have support by studios, but in my opinion, studios were sort of forced into an alliance. The studios could either let tubesites suck all their revenue away, or they could hop on board and hope to get some click-throughs to their members sites. And they’re probably doing alright by it. But, let’s not consider the studios directly. Let’s consider you. By supporting tubesites, you’re sort of working against yourself. Take away exclusivity of studio content, and you’re sort of making the situation where the net is just flooded with bullshit porn, and production is geared towards creating content that will work on tubesites – content that is made to tease. You sort of close out members sites -imagine if the only porn was tubeporn- yuck! So, why not actually be ok with paying for something you enjoy, and join a membership site so you can actually contribute to getting more of what you want. That’s why I fucking love the geniuses at Kink.com, they have a membership site, they don’t flood their shit out to all the tubesites, but they reward their customers by allowing them to give input on what content they shoot. In a way, supporting any membership site is like that. They’ve found a way to adapt, and to innovate. Something all membership sites need to do, else they’ll slowly wither. There’s a few other sites that are trying to be innovative, Brazzers, RealityKings, that are membership sites with production capabilities. But, they both put all their shit out there. And as I said before, I’m sure they’re making conversions through click-through, but I wonder how much more they’d be converting if they actually had some nuts and stood up to the tube sites. “Nutless Brazzers” -sounds like some sort Victorian pant-suit.

Anyway, membership sites aren’t perfect, and they should definitely hustle-up to keep in the race. Maybe they need to rework their sites to offer something more than just the ability to WATCH porn. Because the tube sites are monopolizing that shit. But, you yourself have to look deep inside your heart, look your boner straight in it’s face, and ask it whether or not you’re sort of pushing things in a direction that’s going to leave all us porn lovers better off in the future. I’d rather pay for something of quality, than get some free shit. I’d rather pay for something, than get free poop in my eyes.